I had laid down the night before with a scratchy throat.  I knew what it meant.  It meant I was getting sick and that it was going to suck for a few days. I was right.

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday before Christmas would be spent laying around the house, sick as a dog.

I fucking hate cigarettes.

Have I mentioned how hot it was?  Maybe now is a good time.  It was hot.

Being sick in the hot sucks.  A lot.

I worked a bit online, but mostly slept and read and thought.

I thought about what I had…and what I needed.

I didn’t have much.

In total:

1 suit and 3 dress shirts

1 Lulu jacket and 1 rain jacket

2 pair of khakis and 2 pair of jeans and 2 pair of hiking pants

2 white button-up summer shirts and 1 hiking shirt

2 short sleeve hiking shirts and 1 Lulu shirt

4 t-shirts and 1 pair of basketball shorts and 1 pair of Lulu pants

2 pair high performance under pants (Official Site. Great Review. I highly recommend these to anyone that has ever suffered from swamp ass)

4 pair of socks (dark)

1 pair Nikes. 1 pair Rainbow flip flops. 1 pair Crocs.  1 pair Aldo dress shoes.

1 black dress belt. 1 brown casual belt.

Briefcase: Computer, power cord and converter, mouse, Ipod, Camera, Flipcam, connection cords, and copies of vital docs.

Emergency kit: Pocket knife, a litte duct tape, electrical tape, paracord, string, 10 zipties, binoculars, water purification tablets, head lamp, bic lighter, compass.

Medical/Toiletry kit: Toothbrush & paste, glasses, contacts, saline solution, hair wax, 2 disposable razors, biodegradable soap (can be used to wash everything from hair to butt to laundry), 2 pair Nitrile gloves, 4 4×4 gauze pads, ace bandage, alcohol wipes, single wrapped Wet Ones baby wipes, Neosporin, Hydrocortisone cream, Vagicaine cream (before you start..this cream contains the largest amount of Benzocaine and Resorcinol (topical pain killers) of any over-the-counter drug out there..and it works), misc. OTC and Rx pain killers, Ambien, and Vyvanse (I think I may be a little ADD, at times, sometimes, when I’m tired..did somebody say they loved ladders, but had an orange..Since being diagnosed at age 8, or something, I have experimented a few ADD/ADHD drugs, OTC & Rx, and this one is pretty good.  It’s also relatively cheap.  I use it (them) to focus to meet deadlines and to work and to code.  Sometimes they make it hard to fall into deep sleep, much like coffee in the evening.  In the end, the same effects can usually be obtained with 8-10 hours of sleep, a high protein/caloric diet, 45 minutes of heart elevated exercise, and healthy serving of laughter each day.)

My bag had wheels, that was rather large and of course, my brief case.

This isn’t a lot. No, it isn’t.

Did I want all of this? Yes.

Did I need it? No.

Did I ponder taking more? Yes.

Did I miss anything I hadn’t brought? No.

I could and will get on with less.  A lot less.

I just don’t need all this stuff..here, or in my everyday life.

As I crossed between the bed and the shower and the kitchen over the next 3 days, I would ponder just how much I had in my life.

How much I had, because I wanted it..just had to have it.

and

How much I had, because I needed it..to survive.

I compared myself to my neighbors on the plane. My bunk mates at the hostel.  My new flat mates. The passers by on the street.

Understanding this difference, of what I want vs what I need, really grasping it and being able to apply it, may very well be changing my life.

I am losing the desire to want, that which I do not have..I want to lose the desire to want, that which I do not have.  I hope I am losing the desire to want, that which I do not have.

I am ok, just the way I am.